I’ll love you from a distance. I don’t want pleasure from you. I’ll let you consume me, fill myself up with all the fume you give me and perish to nothing. With every lie, with every secret, I’ll let you win. I became addicted as soon my lips met yours, I’d burn myself as you glow with full guard of youth coated with fallacy. Your fair recrimination and pretty accusation give me the true pleasure of pain. I’ll love getting wasted like the ashes; the smoke filling your soul with my intense love. A love so intense that would cease all your pain and give you an ecstasy of a lifetime.
- My eyes are stained with my own tears and my skin is bruised with my own nails. The fire in me has scarred my waters and the waters in me have extinguished my spark.
- “Why I must be feeling weak and strong at the same time.”
- “To love true, you must be blind in one eye.”
- “What will I see with the other eye?”
- “Your beloved”
And that’s how I realized I have to earn true love.
You’re within my heart, every inch of my skin knows you, my lips have felt every ridge of your fingertips and my eyes have gazed into your whisky-toned galaxy of a hypnotizing universe. You melt me like a magma that beautifully eats up the sparkle of fresh snow. There’s always a trance on me. And I’m never in control when my mind wanders into your silk lips that pour droplets of molasses on my lips and I come to life. My ribs are crumbling into dust under the power of your magic and I cannot breathe anymore. You give me life.
A sharp pain hits to the core of my spine and I feel the urge to scream. What I realize, those were the creases of my bedsheets that woke me up from the haze. The scorching sun burns my eyes and there’s an acid in the air being sprayed in my eyes. No. Tell me it was real. Where do I put the cracked glass? I selfishly hold on to this like it will always be the way it is.
“Hold my hand and water the dead plant”
Why don’t you see it’s dead? Why don’t you?
1. Distance yourself from people emotionally- and by that you mean you shouldn’t expose all of yourself to them. Don’t show them your cracked corners and don’t let them see what parts you lack and what things you’re vulnerable to.
2. Don’t fake it- be strong but don’t fake it. You don’t have to burn yourself to show you’re strong. You don’t have to show you are a good pleaser to them. You don’t have to show you care just because you want them to know you’ll always be there. Embrace your real personality.
3. Learn to say NO- practice this as much as you can. You are not here to stay out of the comfort for other people when they aren’t practically showing you the same action. Stop crossing puddles.
4. Help when needed and deserved- you shouldn’t grow selfish but there must be a meter in your heart that lets you know when you are misbalancing your attributes to humanity. Be aware when and how much help is needed. Be aware of your capabilities and your personal life. Compromise on yourself only when necessary.
5. Have a check on yourself- the words you say and emotions you feel must pass through a filter before they get expressed to people. There must be a semi-permeable membrane and that is logical thinking. Keep this in mind that you have the space between the stimulus and the action. You just have to reevaluate the output.
6. Spread optimism- you should always look for the bright side even in the darkest of circumstances. Don’t let bad things eat you up. Just put them away and focus on your present.
7. Spend some time alone- this is the key to improve your personality instantly. Read a book, write a journal, listen to music, think about your life, think about where you stand now and where do you want to stand later, then think of devising ways to achieve goals. Or just simply let out your toxicity in thinking, crying, writing and whatsoever helps you.
8. Accept bitter truths with peace- there will always be some dark sides to life which we cannot deny neither we can change them. You just have to accept them as they are and make peace with the chaos. Be emotionally strong. For instance, you have to accept this that there is no one in the world who would try to do something extraordinary to help you in any way, not even in the hour of need. You have to accept this as a law but don’t fade yourself because of it. Don’t become rest of them. You should do something with the idea of improving your personality and not with the idea of showing people. People don’t mean anything when they don’t show you mean nothing special to them. So don’t take their actions/words to heart.
On a special note:
You’re enough to light up the galaxies because your Creator created you, the Most Beautiful, the Most Merciful. If you have to feel depressed and helpless about yourself then you should first oppose all the statements and beliefs that your Almighty Creator exists. When He is with you, nothing worldly can defeat you in any way. Trust yourself, trust God.
Its crazy how you put yourself in states which can destroy you mentally, physically and emotionally. Your instinct keeps telling you that you’re about to crash down if that one thing lets you down, yet you hang on to the thorns of a pretty looking flower thinking it will bloom eternally for you even though you know its not immortal. You love something so much that you want to vanish yourself for it, you will die for it even knowing how venomous that can be for you. You get cracks in your heart and do things not even your mind knows. No matter how sinful you think you are you have a heart of an innocent child when you love with such intensity. Your inner child hopes that the more purity and love you put in the more bigger will be your reward and that thing has to be your best possession for life. And if that doesn’t happen, you become a living dead. People say you heal but that isn’t true. You just learn to abuse that inner innocent child by cutting off its wings. You pack you bags with goods of patience and numbness and travel to a world far from yourself. If that ever happens, don’t kill your innocence and purity. Don’t numb it. Feel it to the fullest and transfer your energy into bigger things. Yes maybe you don’t get to live for yourself sometimes. But what is life if wasted in grieving over a thing you lost? How can you lost it when it was never yours?
As I spin and spin in the whirlpool of my dark memories my dead cells are beginning to dance and swirl. The electrons making my mass revolving around a nucleus with vigor and photons of light come in crashing into the dust of my deteriorated brain. Flashes of purple lightening and lion roaring as an extreme stimulus to my receptors waking me up from the eternal sleep I am sleeping. Eagles come gliding straight above my grey hair breaking the sound barrier they wished to break long ago when they weren’t able to. Now they can. Lava from the core of earth coming out of the mole holes diffusing into my wrinkled skin and replacing the clotted blood in my arteries. Circulate. Fungi fester themselves and transmit their core to my heart wanting me to be alive again. Every grain of sand that lies below my dead body annihilating and burning to make my frozen self vehement. Giving me life. Waiting. Waiting. A millennium has passed and I am still not alive. The earth starts to break apart and mountains begin to collapse. The avalanche of sandstorms and apocalypse enveloping me and giving me the motherly love. I am drowned and perished away ultimately. The love is so intense that my mass is crushed into granules and is converted into quarks of light. Its everywhere and I’m alive.
While in the parallel world, everything is immaculate, everything is empowering and sharp as the fresh sour drop coming out of the squeezed lemon. There are plenty books in the shelf and a whole new dimension of elaborated vocabulary to intensify my writings, I can put my feelings to words in the most petite manner. There are brushes of the right sizes and paints of the finest material. There are dreams turning into procurement and a smile amiable as honey on my parents’ faces because of me. My face has the glow of the morning sun and my lips are the strokes of concentrated red of the evening sky. My soul is the flame that brightens up your jet black agony into a crimson scintillation with Prussian blue silhouettes of triumph. I am the pride of everyone’s eyes, a fulfillment and a longing: invincible. In the real world I am the bitterness in a coffee bean, the carbon of coal. Maybe I am only made to see beauty in construction and luminosity, not knowing I am the essence of devastation and murk, a pulverized moon rock, and that irony made me beautiful.